Thursday, October 3, 2013

College, Why You So Hard?

When did my college classes start? I am not sure, my brain doesn't work very well right now. I began this semester a little unsure of where I was heading, but I am going to pursue getting my Associate of Arts (general education) out of the way at least. It would be good to have and then that gives me a chance to decide what I want to pursue after that. Obviously, it will be something focused around writing, I just don't know what exactly and if I want to go to college for it. Confusing? Tell me about it.

Most of my family and friends that read this will know my boyfriend left for college this semester as well. He's about two years older than me, so he is finishing up his last two years of schooling. I am just getting started. He's about an hour away, like I have probably said before. But we're both busy with school, and I only just got a vehicle. So this has been very different, when he used to only be ten minutes away. The "challenges" have been worth it though, and I have learned a lot already. I can thankfully count my blessings because I do see him on the weekends, or most weekends. And an hour is not that much compared to how far he could have gone to go to college.

The first "mistake" I made was scheduling too many courses for my first semester. Previously, I took dual-enrollment classes while in highschool, so I had a decent feel for college work. I also like to take minimesters, which is a whole semester's work done in half the time. Before that sounds really prideful, let me explain that these classes are meant to only be taken about two at a time. When I was in highschool, I only took one class at a time, just some were minimesters.

Well, I signed myself up for four minimesters over the course of the fall semester. Which means I would be taking two for the first half of the semester, and another two for the second half. I came into this with the mindset of getting as much of the general ed stuff out of the way as fast as possible, and then I could enjoy the electives I would take for my last year. So on top of those minimesters, I added one more class. A regular, normal semester of biology. It all seemed simple enough. I knew I would be swamped with work, but I was prepared for it, since I was going to be a full-time college student. Weren't most college students swamped with school anyways?

That's 17 credit hours of work for the semester.

I could only last for so long. My second mistake was taking a minimester of College Algebra. Algebra is not my strong point, and things were starting to go downhill when I got a D on my first test (but apparently everyone didn't do well on the first one), but I was determined and through many hours of working on stupid algebra homework, I pulled my grade back up. Which all sounds nice and lovely, but the work got more and more overwhelming, and I couldn't push aside my other two classes anymore or my grade there would really start to suffer.

Would I go back and change the courses I chose to take? No. I don't think so. I had come off my graduation/freedom high and pushed myself to work harder than I think I ever have when it came to school. And the responsibility was all on me. What made it more difficult was the doubts I was having about getting an education to begin with. It seemed the more I pursued the A.A., the further I pushed my passion for writing away. I had no time to write. No time to read. And no time to review books I had "promised" publishers to review. I was done. Seriously done with getting my A.A. I was ready to walk away and face the challenges of just pursuing writing for a while, even though I knew full well just getting my A.A. would be good to have.

Of course, I couldn't just drop everything. I had to pray about it, talk it out, and think. Because of financial aid and scholarships, I couldn't just quit (though really I didn't feel like it was 100% quitting because I was ready to change directions). So I withdrew from college algebra and biology. Which was hard because I had been doing so well, but it had gotten to the point where I literally could not keep up with it all and make a good grade. Considering I had gotten "A's" in all my other college classes, these low grades were challenging and discouraging to begin with. All I could do was focus on working harder and just passing the classes...

...Until, you know, when I finally reached the end of my rope and was done with college. I have always wanted to take a semester, a year, a season, something off and focus solely on writing. It's something that nags at me from the back of my mind all the time, and when my creative passions were completely shut down because of school... It just wasn't going to work.

So yes, in some ways, I did quit. I am only taking one minimester right now since I withdrew from two classes and am now "part time" with only 9 credit hours. And then when this class is done, I have two more minimesters starting the second half of the semester. But I've cried it all out now, gotten more of a grip on this minimester, and have actually had some free time at the end of the day. Like today. Well, tonight... because I can write a blog post.

I know I will most likely continue taking classes into the spring because of financial aid and scholarships. Slowly I have been able to accept again that I should get my A.A., and that it is okay if it takes me a bit longer or if I can't get it done as fast as other people would. The past couple of months have been exhausting, especially emotionally. I feel like I have been pushed and pulled and tested from nearly every direction, and not just with school. I am experiencing a taste of the "long distance relationship" too, and that's... different.

Still, this has all been something that turns me to God because I just can't do it without Him. I literally need Him so much and want to do what He has planned for me to do. Even if that means getting a stinkin' Associate of Arts. I still have no idea whether or not I am going to pursue college after that. And do I really want to get my A.A. right now? How am I going to pursue writing? These are questions that get churned around in my head every single day lately. But God's got this. Seriously, He just pulled me through a crazy beginning of the semester, allowed me to grow and see my own weaknesses like never before, and has given me peace about the decisions I have made. I don't know about you, but it seems I'm getting the better end of this deal.

Anyways... I hope to get back to blogging as well. And hopefully I will be able to fit in some reading time again so I can get back to finishing novels and reviewing them! Plus, I want to write some fiction. I am about ready for a good sit down with my laptop and a blank word document so I can let my creative juices flow for a little while. They've been cooped up in my head long enough, I might as well write before they start squirting out my nose or something.

Okay, that was nasty. Nevermind. Until next time! Happy fall, everyone! I love this season.

Are you in college? What for?
I know there are some other fall lovers out there. Where are ya??  


  1. Hope you can get to creative writing soon! :D Proud of you for going through all this.