Worth Reading: That Passion

There's something extremely important to me when it comes to living my life... Living with passion. My passion is writing and literature. For someone else it may be drawing or music or photography...

I think we all strive to have some sort of craft to call our own-- something we enjoy doing and feel good at and is worth putting our effort into. We want a craft that we can thrive on, and that starts with being passionate about what you do. Here are three posts on finding, using, and living that passion:

1. Three Signs You've Found Your True Passion by Nick Thacker

2. Success Starts with Passion by Jeff Goins

3. Five Steps to Living Out Your Passion by David Valentine

The Daniel Fast: I'm Terrified of Veggies

Today marks an interesting challenge for me. For lent I have decided to join my mother and a couple other people to do The Daniel Fast, for 40 days. This means I will be on a vegan diet, with no sugar or processed foods.

First thing is that I am a picky eater, and though I like some fruits and vegetables, it is going to be extremely hard for me to eat those things as my main source of nutrition: meaning lots of them and in variety. The thought of "failing" is definitely frightening, but I have to remember it's not about "succeeding" in this challenge.

Extended fasting through healthy eating has so much more to do with my spiritual and physical health than it does completing a 40 day "challenge". I think this is coming at a good time in my life, when I feel distant from God because of things I'm struggling through, and yet He's the one I want to cling to. It's hard to do that when I am exhausted on my own, and burnt out on "trying harder".

I may feel great after having a productive day, but as soon as the work is over, I know I'm still just as down until I distract myself with a new task. Then there are the days where I am tired and unmotivated, and just down. It's not that I feel food has become my source of comfort through my struggles, but rather because of struggling so much, I know the importance of a healthy diet. I want to pump as many nutrients and healthy foods into my body to boost my system. However, just eating right isn't enough for me. I get worn out, burnt out, and exhausted and I default to going right back to where I was.

I need so much more than fruits and vegetables to make me feel better. They're a start, but this Daniel Fast is going to be a time for me to grow closer to Christ as my strength. It won't be easy, but I feel incredibly led to do The Daniel Fast for lent. I may not succeed in the way I hope, but if I can strengthen my foundation in Christ, it will be worth it.

Of course, eating right and giving up the junk my body doesn't need will probably be a good thing too.

Are you doing anything for lent? Want to share?

Writing, Reading, & Directions

My goal was to write a book this year, and I was hoping to get something cranked out this spring semester. So far all I have is an idea and a few characters in my head.... I know that I really need to get back to writing, I've started to doubt that it's my true passion. My outlet. But that's because I haven't been writing much lately, especially as I've gotten older.

Writing has changed for me, I am not as dedicated as I use to be. I can't get up in the mornings, blaze through schoolwork, spend the rest of my afternoon typing away at a story I think is brilliant and then save it to my little floppy disc... I haven't always felt the emotions coursing through me and been in love with the words that flow onto the page.

I haven't gone through and critiqued every sentence, changing it up until it reached perfection only to read it the next day and go, "Eck..." I also haven't stayed up till midnight typing away until my brain turned to mush. Which may be a good thing.

The importance of this though is that I know I need to write. No matter how distracted, discouraged, or unsure I get... I still need to write.

I love to draw, for example, but lately whenever I haven't been feeling the greatest it is almost impossible to draw. However, when I'm "too" tired or discouraged, writing is that outlet that helps me refocus or say what I'm feeling. It's therapeutic. When I don't feel like I can do anything else, I fall back to writing. It's my voice.

Sooo though it would be a lot easier to give up on this book idea, or just say that I'm not cut out to be a writer, I was reminded recently that it doesn't matter. I still have to write. Which reminds me of when I first fell in love with writing, how passionate I was about it. I wrote for myself.

No matter what, I have to write. Stories run through my veins. I just need to get back to committing them to paper. (Or a computer screen.)

Speaking of writing... That brings me back around to what I've been reading. I've managed four to five books so far this year and right now I am reading one in particular that I have to tell you about.

Writing Tools (50 Essential Strategies

for Every Writer) by Roy Peter Clark

This Writing Tools book, you need to go buy it. Right now. I'm only 35 pages into it and I tell ya, that thing is magic. I love it so far, love the way he writes, love the way the chapters are laid out, I love each stinkin' page and think it's the perfect little book that ties up a TON of essential writing strategies. Just read it and make sure you have a copy around so you can go back to it whenever you need to.

{Thank you, Jackson, for letting me borrow your copy. You may not get it back until we're married... I'll have to think about it.}

Seriously though, when I read this book it makes me want to teach English just because I have a book that would be awesome for people to use.

As far as the direction this year for my blog goes... I dunno. I hope to share how progress on my novel is going without giving too much away, I'd like to keep this story on the down low and actually get it written. Book reviews will still be my thing because I'd like to get better at writing them, and they're a reason for why I like to read. Other than reading just to read in and of itself. I may blog later on this year once I start wedding planning and how all that stuff is going. We'll see.

What are you doing this year?

Come on, just tell me one thing you hope or plan to do!

I Got Engaged... No, I'm Serious.

Most people know already, but... I got engaged! On Christmas Eve to be precise. Jackson posted about it on his blog already, but I've really been slacking lately when it comes to anything word related... writing... blogging... reading... You get the picture. We've already told family, close friends, and made it Facebook Official. Not to mention tweeting about it... It's been fun.

Jackson and I have known each other for several years even before we were "together". We've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and now I am really excited to take this next step of being engaged. Shhhh, don't tell, but I think we've both known we found "the one" for a while. 

So... He had to work Christmas Eve day, and I had been at home when I received a text from him when he got off his shift. I was told to get ready to go because he was going to kidnap me for the evening. I got ready excitedly, trying to have some sort of composure and not really succeeding...

About an hour or so later he was coming up my driveway. Fast forward one car ride with me promising to keep my eyes closed, which I did, and badgering him for where we were going.... and we finally came to a stop. "You can open your eyes now," Jackson said, the smile in his voice.

It took me a few seconds to finally open my eyes, where were we?? I had guessed that we went up on the parkway, and when I opened my eyes, we were pulled off at one of the mountain look outs.

The sun was setting. Bright pink and blue hues were coloring the sky, and he suggested that we get out and take a picture. Now Jackson and I take pictures together all the time, and this would not have been unusual at all if it hadn't been for the fact my eyes were closed the whole way there.

He sets up the camera as usual. I stand in front of the camera at a distance so he can get everything configured... as usual. We both are shivering and remarking on how freezing it turned out to be outside... not as usual.

I'm standing in my spot when Jackson quickly walks over and stands beside me, I know something is up, but smile for the picture regardless. Waiting for the the light to start blinking, waiting for the camera to click... Nothing.

Jackson turns and hugs me, I wrap my arms around him, feeling his warmth that takes off some of the bite from the chilly air. When he pulls away, he lowers down to one knee. I can't remember if it was his right or left... But he's looking up at me when he finally says, "Marissa, will you marry me?"

"Yes! ...Yes. Yes. Yes!" I managed half a dozen times. I said something how this didn't even feel real, and he said, "I know." I think Jackson was collecting himself for a moment (or time froze, or my brain left me, I have no idea), then he stood back up and slipped the ring on my finger. We wrapped our arms around each other again, and he told me he loved me. For the first time. "I love you."

"I love you too."

After a moment we both looked at each other again, he leaned his head down to mine and kissed me.

It was one of the most amazing moments in my life. Simple... personal... and perfect for us.

My best friend proposed... to me.

I Have To Stop Living For Myself.

I have to stop living for myself. It's been really confusing figuring that out. I am still a bit clueless as to how to go about each day and head in the direction I want to go, without living for myself. How I can feel God's calling on my life and know things He wants me to do, but determine when I'm too focused on me.

The past few weeks have been really rough. Technically the last six month there have been numerous things testing, stretching, and challenging me. (If I were completely honest I'd say on and off through my life there have been times when it was this hard, but the frequency of those times have increased lately. A LOT.)

So when I say the last few weeks have been rough, it's because over the last six months or so I've had a lot of good days and moments, but right now I'm back in the phase where I can't pull things together. It's really discouraging. I get tired of being so overwhelmed, down, angry, frustrated, and disappointed. At the same time I'm so tired, it's hard to make the effort to feel better.

I guess the past few weeks I've been defeated by the stress, the discouragement, and the pressure. There are days when I'm happy again and energized, or at least being positive. There are so many days when I wish I could slip into comatose because I know I don't want to die, but I don't have it in me to feel better either. I don't want that either though because I wouldn't even know I was getting a break.

There's so much I am working through lately, and one of the hardest is getting past myself. It's so hard to change the way you think, but that seems the only true explanation for how I have been feeling. That truly it is my own doing in some way. Maybe it's because I am going through a period in my life when I am weak, and unlike before I am getting challenged even more rather than able to breathe and get back on my feet.

If you're someone who feels stuck... Battling day after day of being down and depressed and discouraged... Being a Christian and knowing you have hope, but feeling hopeless... I could tell you I understand. I could tell you it sucks, really bad. It hurts and it feels like it's all your fault, but also everyone else's fault at the same time. I still don't know if it is or not because I wish I could blame it on some mental illness or depression, but all I can tell you is that you need God. Because He's what I need too.

I can't tell you much more because then that would mean I had figured it out. I haven't. I'm still stumbling along and blaming myself and struggling to do something to get past it. But I know God can get me through it. He can get any of us through it. He hasn't let go of me yet and never will.