New Glasses & Nudists

My style is something I have been building over the last couple of years. And I have been putting it off for months, but I finally started trudging through store after store in search of a new pair of glasses. It was an experience that stretched me, and got me thinking about style.

No, in case you’re worried, this is not just a girl’s post about fashion, but I do want my clothes to reflect me as a person and not one particular style. Ultimately I want a wardrobe that is unique to me and my lifestyle, and is not defined by trends or what’s popular.

I want the flexibility to be more than one kind of person

 when it comes to clothes.

I probably tried on a hundred pair of glasses before I settled on these, but I was worried-- they were different and new-- even though I had been ogling over this cat eye meets hipster librarian style for months. Most people liked the frames I had before, and by getting new ones I knew I would risk positive and negative feedback. I had a fiance, family, and really close friends who I would much rather like my glasses than tolerate them. My relationships are not grounded in my looks, but I was still worried.

It’s hard, especially when we all can find things we don’t like about ourselves. Clothes are something we have control over when it comes to our image and who we want to be stylistically. I have had a lot of ups and downs since I made the decision to dress how I really wanted to dress a few years ago, including the style of glasses I wore, and have had to battle the embarrassment and insecurities of not fitting in or not looking good to others...

Even when I wear something that could be deemed “stylish” or trendy.

Actually, I wanted to fall in love with the way I looked. Not in a self-absorbed, vein desire for beauty in myself, but an appreciation and delight in the beautiful, wonderful, and mysterious way God created me.

Let’s face it, God created man and woman to be naked. That’s something I fully believe. Our original adornment was our bodies. The uniqueness of shape, size, color, hair, smell, and whatever else you can think of was God’s spoken masterpiece. Until we sought to open our eyes, and ate the fruit God had forbidden us to eat. We fell and spoiled the experience, beauty, and unashamedness of being able to see and even enjoy each other’s bodies without it being something deemed wrong, dirty, lustful, and sinful outside of marriage. I’m not talking about having sex with any and everyone here, or lust, I’m talking about enjoying aesthetic beauty: things that are pleasing to the eye. 

God was not hiding from us something we rightfully deserved to know, I think He was saving us from ourselves and was planning to give us a better life we could enjoy. 

I am no pervert when I say I would love to be in a world where it is okay to be completely naked, and we could go through life in a way where that was not such a shameful, wrong thing to do.

Do I think it’s possible to change our thinking? Should we all become nudists?

No, unfortunately, I think that is a mistake we will have to bear for the rest of our lives. It’s a touchy subject that I do not know much about, but I do know that God covered Adam and Eve. Whether He did it for their own well-being because they were embarrassed by what He created, or because they had cheated themselves of a wonderful existence that could have been theirs… I am not sure.

Maybe that is something that can be restored, I do not want to doubt the power of the Holy Spirit to change our way of thinking and living. However, that has not been a particular subject that God talks about restoring in this world from what I have read in Scripture.

What on earth does this all boil down to?

My desire is to enjoy and flatter the body that God has given me, rather than try to change my appearance. I am not saying that clothes are bad, or make-up is bad, or getting a new hair cut is bad, or that shaving is bad, or anything like that. I am saying that for a long time I have been stumbling along in a discovery of finding my beauty and worth in something more grounded than anything I could try to manage and control (like my looks).

I still brush my hair, enjoy styling it, wear makeup sometimes, and prefer clothes that make me look and feel “better”. There’s a different mindset I have to constantly choose to live by though in order to enjoy my appearance and still honor God. I have to be in sync with Him, and understand His way of perceiving beauty.

I have to know that God doesn’t want me to despise and shamefully hide the way I was made. He also is guiding me in how I dress so that I point others to Him and not fall easily into the pit of being admired and complemented by others (both of which I think are acceptable things, but they’re a problem when they get to our head).

I think He wants you to live that way too: free to express your true beauty and style preferences. Not so you can seek to offend or harm anyone, but in a way that frees you from conformity and allows you to enjoy being you (even if… *looks around nervously* you’re a Christian!).

God sure thinks you look good: Genesis 1:31.

God Told Me to Build an Ark

Except this ark is made out of Google documents, red pens and highlighters, pages of paper, lots of ink, and a hardback cover. Still clueless? I'm talking about a book.

This was my year to write a book.

Several times this year I have wanted to give up on that plan altogether, but I had a strange albeit real conviction that God was telling me, "No, I want you to write a book. Just not yet."

I've been eaten up inside because I do not have an idea I can stick with. Today I was pretty annoyed that I did not know what to write about. I have tons of ideas, but I can't seem to make any of them pan out or focus on them long enough to pull a book out of it.

That's when it hit me... "Not yet, Marissa." I am not supposed to write a book yet. God is going to give me that idea, that certainty of knowing what to write, it's just I am not ready for it. At first I did not know why He was telling me this, but now I understand that it must be in part because I am not ready. I fully believe He’s right.

It was my light bulb moment.

For once, I am not supposed to think or try to write a book. Do you know how hard that is for me? I've spent so much of my life slipping in and out of the "thinking about writing a book" mode.

I am going to keep writing. That's exactly what I feel like He's telling me to do. However, it won't be for a book or in that mindset. My blog has been on my mind a lot lately, and I've been considering just stopping and getting rid of the whole thing.

It's not time to throw in the towel unfortunately. Instead I have some wimpy creative and writing muscles that need exercised, and I am afraid my readers will be put through the ringer as I pursue that.

There are a lot of people who are actually writing good stuff about life, dating, marriage, sex, creativity, being real Christ followers, healthy living, authenticity, fashion, pain, fitness, joy, cooking, and whatever else you can think of.

My challenge is this:

to be intentional about blogging

and

to just write what needs to be said.

One statement I am going to avoid with a passion is saying, "This is something we need to be talking about," and I am just going to do it.

I may not be completely original, or come up with a new formula or way to approach things, but I can add my voice to the ones who are making a difference in their writing. And I can say things in my own unique way. 

Saying all of this is to prepare you... I am going to start talking about some weird, awkward, taboo stuff for me, things that I do not usually write about and post on the internet.

I'm ready to start putting days into original, heart-pouring-out blog posts instead of a couple hours. I am ready to recommit, to be raw again, authentic, and unafraid to write about what I am really pondering over. I have been prepared and commissioned to do so by my Lord.

I have a lot of butt-kicking, stinky sweating, muscle cramping, fitful screaming, fear stomping, doubt smashing, adrenaline pumping work to do. Wanna come?

It’s time to build an ark. 

Good bye, book-to-be. I do not know when I will see you again, hopefully soon, but right now I have some other writing to accomplish. I will get back to you when it's your turn.

I Got Engaged... No, I'm Serious.

Most people know already, but... I got engaged! On Christmas Eve to be precise. Jackson posted about it on his blog already, but I've really been slacking lately when it comes to anything word related... writing... blogging... reading... You get the picture. We've already told family, close friends, and made it Facebook Official. Not to mention tweeting about it... It's been fun.

Jackson and I have known each other for several years even before we were "together". We've been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and now I am really excited to take this next step of being engaged. Shhhh, don't tell, but I think we've both known we found "the one" for a while. 

So... He had to work Christmas Eve day, and I had been at home when I received a text from him when he got off his shift. I was told to get ready to go because he was going to kidnap me for the evening. I got ready excitedly, trying to have some sort of composure and not really succeeding...

About an hour or so later he was coming up my driveway. Fast forward one car ride with me promising to keep my eyes closed, which I did, and badgering him for where we were going.... and we finally came to a stop. "You can open your eyes now," Jackson said, the smile in his voice.

It took me a few seconds to finally open my eyes, where were we?? I had guessed that we went up on the parkway, and when I opened my eyes, we were pulled off at one of the mountain look outs.

The sun was setting. Bright pink and blue hues were coloring the sky, and he suggested that we get out and take a picture. Now Jackson and I take pictures together all the time, and this would not have been unusual at all if it hadn't been for the fact my eyes were closed the whole way there.

He sets up the camera as usual. I stand in front of the camera at a distance so he can get everything configured... as usual. We both are shivering and remarking on how freezing it turned out to be outside... not as usual.

I'm standing in my spot when Jackson quickly walks over and stands beside me, I know something is up, but smile for the picture regardless. Waiting for the the light to start blinking, waiting for the camera to click... Nothing.

Jackson turns and hugs me, I wrap my arms around him, feeling his warmth that takes off some of the bite from the chilly air. When he pulls away, he lowers down to one knee. I can't remember if it was his right or left... But he's looking up at me when he finally says, "Marissa, will you marry me?"

"Yes! ...Yes. Yes. Yes!" I managed half a dozen times. I said something how this didn't even feel real, and he said, "I know." I think Jackson was collecting himself for a moment (or time froze, or my brain left me, I have no idea), then he stood back up and slipped the ring on my finger. We wrapped our arms around each other again, and he told me he loved me. For the first time. "I love you."

"I love you too."

After a moment we both looked at each other again, he leaned his head down to mine and kissed me.

It was one of the most amazing moments in my life. Simple... personal... and perfect for us.

My best friend proposed... to me.

Book Review: Rebellious Heart

Rebellious Heart

By: Jody Hedlund

Publisher: Bethany House Publishers

Genre: Fiction; Historical Romance

Number of Pages: 376

Overview:

    Because she's a woman, higher learning was always closed to Susanna Smith. But her quick mind and quicker tongue never back down from a challenge. And she's determined to marry well, so she'll be able to continue her work with the less fortunate.

Growing up with little to his name, poor country lawyer Benjamin Ross dreams of impacting the world for the better. When introduced to the Smiths he's taken by Susanna's intelligence and independent spirit, but her parents refuse to see him as a suitor for their daughter.

When the life of a runaway indentured servant is threatened, Susanna is forced to choose between justice and mercy, and Ben becomes her unlikely advisor. But drawing closer to this man of principle and intellect lands her in a dangerous, secret world of rebellion and revolution against everything she once held dear.

(Taken from Goodreads and also is what is on the back of the book.)

Star Rating:

      5 stars (I really liked this book.)

Content Rating:

     PG (recommended to 13&up though)

My Opinions:

     What I liked/loved - Okay, plain and simple, I loved the interaction between Susanna and Benjamin from the very beginning. It was nice to read a romance for once that had the two main characters bumping heads, bantering, and flirting from the start, considering they already had a bit of a history with each other.

Benjamin, Benjamin, Benjamin... What to say about him... I liked how he and Susanna both grew throughout the story, and also how he learned who he was trying to please in his life. This was a well done perspective on a "rags to riches" kind of guy, and who he thought he wanted to be. I loved how he cared about justice, but not in a too over zealous way and his beliefs that pushed against the comfortable world around him. Rebellion... Revolution...

Susanna's character was a little weak at times, but it was wonderfully done how her own thoughts and beliefs changed throughout the book. I loved reading about the challenges she faced in staying true to what was right, but how she also learned that what was right might not have been what she always believed in.

Last, but not least, I loved the ending of Rebellious Heart. The mystery, fear, emotion, and drama finally comes to a smashing finale. I loved it. It left me finishing the book happy and glad for every moment I spent reading its pages.

     What I didn't like/hated - Nothing to hate in this book, except maybe that it had an end. I enjoyed reading Rebellious Heart, and found it easy to blaze through its pages.

The Quality:
     This book starts out well with a sentence that grabs you and a story that soon begins to unfold. The first 50 pages are used to build up speed, but they are still entertaining, important to the story, and things definitely start picking up as this book goes on.

Hedlund writes in a way that pulled me into the story, without feeling like each sentence was dumbed down. I soon was reading through pages without even realizing how much I had read.

Rebellious Heart does indeed blend mystery and romance beautifully in this story. Not only will I be holding on to my copy of Rebellious Heart, but I hope to take the time to read it again. I would recommend it!

Iffy Content:

Language - None.

Sensuality - It is made known that a slave owner has mistreated some of his servants, and there are a couple other servants in the story that were sexually abused, but it does not go into detail. There are a few kisses exchanged between some of our main characters, as well as reference to kissing in a closet, it does not go beyond that and there are no sensual, make-out scenes. One man is newly married and excited about his wedding night, but the book does not go past that.

Violence - A couple girls have been murdered, but there is only one crime scene. It is briefly described, but not in great detail. One girl on the run had bloodied and cut feet because of no shoes.

Other - None that I can think of to mention.

Check out this book on:  Amazon or Barnes&Noble!!

Have you read this books? Any related books? What were you thoughts?

I'd like to know! I am always open for new reading suggestions as well.